I will pray . . .

I feel that this is what God has for me at this time, so I do not regret my decision to date Josh. However, I do regret the way that I treated my friends after making that decision. I regret my selfishness and my concern only for my own happiness while they were hurting. I was wrong for being so self-centered and I would like to apologize for that. I am sorry for my selfishness. I'm sorry that I was worried only about myself and expected you to deal with your problems on your own so that I would not be burdened by it. I'm sorry for getting frustrated with you and thinking that you were messing things up. It was not you. I was the one who caused the pain. And I am sorry for that. I cannot express how much. I'm sorry for not realizing how much I had actually hurt you. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up, only to turn around and crush your heart as if it were simply disposable. That was wrong of me. I'm sorry. I cannot go back and change what happened, nor will I change a decision that I feel is right, but I should not have handled things the way that I did. I know that I hurt you more than I will ever understand. All I can say is that I am deeply sorry for what I did to you and the pain that I have caused. I know that it will take you a long time to trust me after this and that our friendship may never be the same again. I will not give up on our friendship, but I know now that there is nothing I can do to fix it. However, God can fix it, so I have placed it in His hands. I know that He holds you in the palm of His hand and will do what I cannot. The only thing that I can do now is to pray, and pray I will. I will lift you up to our God and Father with all of my heart. I know that He will be faithful to you. I'm sorry. You did not deserve this. But I cannot fix it. So I will release you to His care. And I will pray . . .